Monday, August 23, 2010

Feeling a little like "Debbie Downer" today

Maybe because its Monday or maybe because my period is due next week but something has me feeling a little blue and negative today. All I want to do is eat..I didnt have the best weekend and picked around alot food wise..ended up finishing my son's Mcdonalds hamburger from this happy meal yesterday and that just made me feel so angry at myself. I just want the restriction that I am supposet to have with this band..this is why they say bandster hell is so hard!! I really want my fill!!! So I was actually glad to come back to work because its easier for me to stick with it while Im at work all day but I woke up feeling tired and hungry and just wanted a big ole breakfast but I settled for 2 eggs and water (puke). I said I would pack my lunch, which I did, but ended up needing to de-stress from work so I went to lunch with my coworker. I am still "technically" on soft foods so I ordered the mashed potatoes and meatloaf..I immediatly asked for a box when i got my food and boxed half of it up, it actually wasnt a very big portion size but I did get full after eating the half meal but within an hour of being back to work I was hungry again. So I ate a couple of these new pretzel crips which are really low in calories and fat with some of my homemade lowfat chicken salad. I ate that and I feel like its all just sitting in my chest area. I guess it was my first time eating something like pretzels or I just ate to damn fast as usual. I havnt gotten stuck yet, pb'd or "slimed" yet and really dont want to. I am just so ready for my fill.. I know I already said that but I really am!! I have 2 more weeks of this struggle I just sure hope I get some restriction with my 1st fill or Im just gonna cry. I am not weighing myself untl my period is over next week because Im already feeling bloated and all I need right now is to see the scale go up and the tears will start. I stopped the birth control pill the month of surgery because of blod clots and just havnt gone back on it yet and that always helped with my pms symptoms so now Im on my own and back to being the B*TCH that I can be...not to mention the cravings & watch out! (please do not hold against me anything I write over the next week) Anyway! If you cant tell struggling a little today...I feel frustrated that I spent 15grand on something that may not work for months. I know I have already lost 21lbs but you never think about the good stuff just the bad...I heard a good analogy the other day in regards to getting the band..."its like buying your new dream car and being told you cant put gas in it for 6 weeks"....that just sums it up for me!!

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