Saturday, July 31, 2010


My surgery went well yesterday morning, I was in recovery longer than usual do to pain and me not wanting wake up. I could hear everything going on but just was too tired to respond and stay awake. Let me just go over my surgery day story for you all! So woke up at 430am and took my son to my moms so I could be at the hospital at 530am. My husband took me and we checked it and they put me in a room. I put on one of the hospital gowns and and a couple nurses came in to ask me questions and before I knew it I was being wisked off to the pre-surgery room. My husband was allowed to stay with me still until I was ready to go to surgery. The anthesialogist came and saw me than came the heard of nurses to try and find a vein to run an IV, finally they got one in my hand after even trying the inside of my wrist, which hurt like HELL. I was pretty nervous and was on the verge of tears at some points but kept fighting it. I wouldnt let myself really think about it and just turned my robot mode on. Anyway, after they got my IV in they gave me a heperon shot in my leg and put those blood circulating stockings on...there was alot going on at that time, getting my IV in, socks on and the doctor talking to me. Dr. Small just asked if I had any final questions and said he would see me after surgery. Than I happened to look up and saw the anthesioligst sneaking something in my IV. I said what are you doing and he said he was putting in something to make me laugh. So than I kissed my husband and they wheeled me into surgery. I remember seeing all kinds of medical tools and several people walking around than they told me to take few deep breaths and put a mask over me and I was out. Next thing I remember the nurses were calling my name in recovery. I started hving some major pain in my chest and upper stomach so they switched me from Morphine to something else because the morphine didnt seem to be working. I dont remember much after that I just kept coming in and out and than I remember being in my room and my husband talking to me. I think that was around 1130am. I was in a good deal of pain...mostly in my chest and behind my breasts. I just kept getting meds and sleeping. My sister came in to see me but I was so drugged up I slept most of the time and dont remember talking to her. Than my nightmare began, they brought some chick in my rooom who just had buybass and she was in some MAJOR pain...she did not shut up the entire 24 hrs I was there...even all night...she was a nurses nightmare..she kept calling them like every 5 minutes, crying out in pain, crying than she was having boyfriend problems and was calling him half the night crying and upset cause he only came in for an hour to see it made things even worse because I wasnt feeling good myself and to hear that non stop almost sent me over the edge. My pain kept changing, Id feel good for an hour than this bad pain would come again. I did try to walk I walked about 5x while I was in the hospital. I tried to be strong and not let the pain get the best of me but it did hurt, I was kinda bummed because I was hoping it wouldnt be that bad for me. AFter a rough night of being poked and proded and listening to the girl next door I finally had some relief. the pain had moved to my middle stomach out of my chest so I felt like I could breath again. the pain changes, today I still have alot of discomfort and pain in my chest and upper stomach again. I am assuming its gas so I have been taking gas strips, it helps a little but I think the other pain is just from the surgery itself it aches in the inside. I am not hungry, but I feel like I go hunger pains and I can feel my stomach growling. Its hard to get all of your liquids in when you dont feel like drinking and you are still hurting. My husband picked my son up this afternoon and I showed him my incisions and tried to explain what happened and that he cannot touch mommies stomach. My husband took him to Toys r us so that I can rest for a while now. its hard to walk..I feel all compacted and like I cant stand straight but I keep taking short walks around the house. I am hoping I feel better tomorrow. Will keep you posted!

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Ready for tomorrow!!

Well the day is finally time I write on here I will be banded!! I am a little nervous and scared today but I figured I would be, Im trying not to think about it too much and just go with the flow. I need to keep thinking of the positives and remind myself why Im doing this. I just hope its over quick and I dont have alot of pain. I want to be one of those "ideal" surgery stories! Im getting my bag packed tonight with all the good stuff, gasx, books, magazines, robe and some nice comfortable loose fitting clothes. I posted on lapband talk for anyone to provide me any last minute suggestions or let me know anything they would of done different surgery day so hope I get some good stuff. Alright people, the time has come to say good bye to the old me and ready for the new life!!! Im ready for the challenge...I think:)

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

My Vacation Journal.....

Ok, so as you know I went on vacation a couple weeks ago and during vacation I wrote in my journal talking about how I felt.....I wanted to share it and also keep it myself so I could look back on this and remind myself why I decided to do this surgery to begin with......the below is directly from my personal journal during year WONT be the same!!

Im on vacation in NC at OBX. I definitly have felt the impact of the extra weight on this trip. It was very hard for me to handle the heat and the beach this year. We had to walk about 300 ft to the beach every day ad I didnt have the energy to do that easy. I am so out of shape! not to mention I even got winded one evening walking to the beach and I felt like I couldnt catch my breath. it was very weird and somethign I have not experienced before. It really made me think about how unhealthy I am. I had very little energy on this trip. I didnt want to even walk to the beach and would end up staying poolside alot more because it was just easier and required less energy. I had a hard time getting in and out the beach chairs and pool chairs. I knew exactly what I looked like while getting up because Iv seen it so many other times with overweight people. I felt so heavy! everything just seemed much harder and I felt like this really creeped up on me over the past year. The first day I felt insecure cause I know I really looked like I gained weight and was nervous about even my family seeing me in my bathing suit. I did read my weightloss surgery books I bought on Amazon and just kept educating my self and reminding myself what I need to drink and how much protein I need to get in. My mom and sister would walk and bike everyday and I just didnt have the energy to keep up with them and do what they did everyday. I want exercise to be a part of my everyday life and not feel like a chore! Im still very nervous about the surgery and hope Im making the right decision for myself. Deep down I know its the right choice. I will be so happy to be able to keep active and feel better and be there for my son and not be 300lbs carrying my next child! Im trying to keep positive though and I am trying to mentally prepare myself for this journey. I know it wont be easy but I really think I can do this!!

Just 1 more day!!

I havn't been too nervous over the past couple of days just so ready to get this done, but this afternoon I am a little nervous. I got the call from the Hospital this morning to ask all the questions for Anthesia. I can't remember if I told you this or not but I am self pay. I borrowed against my 401k. My husband and I have United Healthcare and his plan does not cover the surgery. They did cover all my pre-op visits and so far the blood work and doctor visit but they won't cover surgery. I did work with the WL clinic insurance person and we wasted 2 mnths trying to get it covered but still got a "No" answer. I now am thinking I should have pushed further on this but I figured it was a lost cause. I am keeping all of my reciepts and surgery information and submitting to the insurance company just in case and I learned that I can claim it on my taxes, at least some of it so I will recoup a little back at the end of the year. So, anyway today I get a call from the Weight Loss clinic stating they are using an "assistant surgeon" on the day of the surgery and it will be $500 more bucks!! Now, in their defense she did mention that to me when I went in 6 months ago :) that they may use one but they never said anything else about it till the call 1 day before surgery I have to cough up another $500 so that ticked me off and I hate to write another check out. Might try to use the ole "bill me" line but not sure if that will fly. all I have left to do is get a pedicure (yes Im anal about my feet) I get this vision of the nurse pulling down the blanket and my toes looking a wreck (anyone seen the movie "Boomarang"? LMAO) anyway I also need to go by the Weight loss clinc (avoiding the billing department) and pick up some protein shakes. A girl I know that had the surgery gave me one to try that she bought there and it was pretty good, tasted like chocolate milk with a little chalk to it. Other than that and packing for my overnight hospital stay I will be ready to go! My mother is going to watch my 2yr old overnight for me so my husband can stay in the hospital with me. I will try to keep posting as much as I can after surgery!!! I am sure I will have one last post tomorrow before surgery!!

Saturday, July 24, 2010

1 week till Surgery!

Everyday I feel or see something that reminds me of why I am having this surgery I guess you could say several "A HA!" or "Wakeup" moments. Today I was at outback steakhouse with my son and husband and we had a gift card so I figured we might as well use it cause I wont be able to use it in a while, anyway, after sqeezing into the booth, which I never had a problem with until the past year, I just could not stop sweating!! I know its been 100 degrees out lately but no one else appeared to be sweating...than like I usually do I dropped food on my white shirt. I was thinking that the reason I keep dropping food is not because I am simply a messy eater but for one I eat too fast and done take the time take small portions on my fork and rush it in my mouth and two Im sqeeezed into a booth and cannot lean forward enough because of my stomach stops me...This was yet another Wakeup moment.. I never had to worry about fitting into a booth in the past so by the time I get the words out "we would prefer a booth, please", I stop and think maybe a table would be better. I dont like being as honest as I am right now about this and to be perfectly honest I erased it but than thought If I can reach out to anyone that is overweight and that goes through this, I want them to know that there are others that feel and think the same. I than typed it again. Its crazy but I have several of these types of moments everyday and make a mental note as well as track in my journel so if I have a bad day or moment with the lapband I can go back to this post and remember why I got this surgery in the first place.

So today I completed my blood work post surgery and made my grocery list for the first 2 weeks. Lots of low fat cream soups, sugar fee pudding and jello and juice and broth..gonna stock up on as much as I can. I feel better than I did yesterday after my freak out moment and cannot believe that this time next week I will be banded!!!

Friday, July 23, 2010

My Freak out !!

Today, I went to the tanning bed and talked to a girl who had lapband 2 weeks ago. I had talked to her before the procedure and was hoping to run into her. Well I kinda wish I hadn't. She had really bad surgery experience..from not being able to breath when she came out of anesthisia to spending 6 hrs in recovery to vomiting when she walked and having to get pain medicine every 30 minutes!! She said it was the absolute worse pain ever and she was out of work for 2 weeks with bad pain for the first 10 days. she said she could barley walk the first week from such bad gas pain. So of course I start wigging out!! now Im scared im going to have a bad experience like that and it really scares me. I will only be off for 5 days than I go back to work. I posted my concerns and the story on lapband talk and I several responses back and all but one had a good experience with limited pain. Out of the 3 people I know that have had it recently 2 went great with no issues or bad pain. Im not expecting it to be gravy but I just hope I can at least function ok after the 1st day. My husband says I need to keep positive and keep thinking and telling myself Im going to be fine and be a good experience but I just cant shake the visual of me being in hell. I just want to get this over with. Only 1 week to got. I go to the clinic in the morning for the blood work to test for pregnancy and that will be it until surgery day. The hospital called me today and my surger is scheduled for 730am on Friday. I have to be at the hospital at 530am UGH!!! but im glad its going to be over early and gives me even more recovery time.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010


So I laid down with my son last night before he went to sleep and my mind began to think about the surgery and got myself all upset...I am thinking what if something happens to me during this surgery and I don't "come home"? I know the changes are slim that something bad will happen but I have never been under before and the thought of leaving my son without me was almost too much to bare to think about..of course I started I prayed and realized I do need to pray alot more about this to help calm me and get me through this safe & sound. Im trying to keep myself from being negative but its very difficult. I still cannot believe that I am really doing this....

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Surgery in 12 days!!!!

I cannot believe I will be having surgery in 12 days!! I feel like I have so much to do! I just got back from a week vacation in the Outerbanks and kept a log of my thoughts and feelings while there in regards to my weight and will post that as well. For the past few months I have been going back and forth in my mind if I can really do this, if I can finally be successful, if I am strong enough to do what I need to do to follow the process. On vacation after reading a few books I bought from Amazon on Weight Loss Surgery and really thinking about my life with food and I realized that this is what I need to do and I need to find the strength to get through it and do what I need to do to be successful. I paid the full amount of the surgery last week, $13,700. That is alot of money to me but I only briefly hesitated on paying it because once I made my mind up I was going to move ahead with this the thoughts of what I could do with that money other than surgery I pushed out. I hope that by setting up this blog and writing about the next 2 weeks, the surgery and after surgery it will help others feel that they are not alone!

My Story...

Tired...that is how I explain the way I feel after dieting for the last 15 years. I have been overweight pretty much my whole life but during my teenage years I was very active and athletic and looking back, I looked damn good but of course I didn't think so then, I was very insecure in school and always wanted to be smaller, I was made fun of at times for my weight at a young age and that impacted me about myself a great deal after. After college is when the weight started packing on and when the yo-yo dieting started. I joined Weight Watchers when I was 22, I was 242lb,s I lost 41lbs. I excerised alot and measured and weighed my food, I did manage to keep it off for 6 months but once I stopped I gained it all back plus 10lbs more.For the next 10 years I fluctuated betweeen 215 and 250. I tried diet after diets and the old fashion exercise and cut back, but I just loved food, I loved to eat, I loved to go to restaurants on dates and with friends, I couldn't stick with a diet for more than a couple months at a time. I usually dieted either before a special event or vacation than once the event was over I would stop and gain it all back. When I lost the weight I felt great but I just could never keep it off. I found that either I was on or off a diet and when I was off I was REALLY off. I would pretty much eat whatever I wanted when I wasn't dieting and than do some crash diet and lose it all again. I would gain weight at warp speed. Sometimes 5lbs in a week. It was a vicious cycle I couldn't break. I was now 30 years old. Than I met my future husband, got married in 2006 and had a baby the following year. When I got married, I weighed 225lbs. A year after I had my son I was 270lbs and miserable. I hated the way I looked but I just couldnt bring myself to start a diet or exercise. I did join weight watchers but I only stuck with it for about 3 months and lost 10lbs. I really started noticing how the weight was impacting my life. I had a hard time keeping up with my son, I realized it was harder for me to get up from a sitting position, my feet began to swell when I sat for long periods of time, I was up to a size 22 which killed me because I have always been very stylish and i found that it is really hard to find stylish clothing in plus size that I liked. I found myself spending more money on clothing and than hating the way I looked, trying to fill the void just put me in debt and left me feeling even worse about myself. I used to love taking pictures of myself and now I avoid a camara at all costs. When I do see a picture of myself I am shocked at how heavy I look and cannot believe I let myself get this overweight. The past 6 months have been the worse. I am pushing 300lbs and feel so tired and unhappy with myself. Its starting to impact my relationship with my husband because I become very insecure about the way I look. Before the end of the year I decided that I had to do something drastic. I knew that I needed something that could help me, a tool that could help me eat better and with smaller portions, something that could finally get me to where I want to be and stay there. I knew about lapband, I had a friend at work who had it done and lost 70lbs, I had a close friend that had been looking into it for a year or more so I decided to start research on it myself. I kept it to myself until I knew I was serious about the surgery. I didn't want to hear other people's opinions or what they looked into I wanted to do it myself. I talked to my husband and he was very supportive. He knew how bad I have been feeling about myself and he saw first hand the physical and emotional struggle I have dealt with in regards to my weight. I knew it wasn't something that was covered by our insurance and I would have to be selfpay but I was hoping that I could find a way to come up with the money and I did. I went ahead and made my first consult appointment in Feb. 2010. The Weight Loss clinic I went to did try to get my insurance to cover it but after a waste of a month and half I got declined anyway. My surgery is scheduled for July 30th, 2010. I am very excited, nervous and a little scared but I know that this is something I HAVE to do. I really feel that this will give me the help I need. I kept praying that if getting banded was meant to be for me that it would happen and happen fairly easy and if it wasn't meant to be that the Lord would put some major red lights in front of me. So I have to trust that this is what is meant to be for me because it happend pretty quick with no major obstacles. I know that I want to have more children and I want to be with my family as long as I possibly can and right now I am on the right path to make that happen!!