Friday, January 28, 2011

Sick does not equal zero appetite!

Been sick all week with strep throat and a sinus infection....started Monday and I am just now starting to feel better. Yet another week set back for my weight loss! I am not one of those lucky people who lose their appetite when sick...I ended up working from home wed & thursday. Alone all day with my kitchen is not a good thing. I grazed all day like a cow in a big, green pasture. when I am sick I eat...I crave comfort food and sweets..not even a throat on fire kept me from eating. I was too sick to get to the gym as well so this whole week went to hell in a hand basket!! Im so glad Im starting to feel better today..Im giving myself one more day of rest than Im hitting the gym again. I havnt weighed myself so I am hoping I didnt gain anything this week! Its weird but I hate wasting time...every day is a day I could be losing more weight and getting my body in better shape..a week "off" is a huge set back and when you have had a few of them it really adds up...I hate taking a month to lose a couple pounds and Im scared the weight loss is really going to start slowing down now. I am finding myself leaning toward "easy" food or some call them sliders. ..when I eat "healthy" foods like salad or chicken breasts I have a much harder time eating them and they go down hard and I start getting a stuck feeling but I can woof down chocolate cookies back to back and no issues at all! Sometimes I just get tired of being so careful eating and having to eat so slow and small bites that I just want to be able to eat "normal" again...I guess I kinda miss it and miss the way I used to be able to eat. No regrets just miss it sometimes:)

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Slipped up in more ways than one!!

Had my weekly weigh in this morning and I am back up to 251! I barly got to enjoy the 240's Im not sure what happened, if its my period or just the fact that I didnt eat well this week. It might be a combination of both. It was not a good week..I craved sweets and junk food. I didnt go completely crazy but I did have a chic Filet milkshake not once by twice..they are so friggin good! and I just overall didnt eat very healthy..I have pretty good restriction but I can "eat around" that..I found myself grazing more this week and eating bigger portion sizes. I did still go to the gym and worked out pretty hard earlier in the week but really slacked off at the end of the week. I was a little upset after weighing in this morning but I figured it was my fault so I needed to buck up and not feel sorry for myself and just do better. To cheer myself up I went to do a little shopping today..I had a coupon at old navy and a gift card..I racked up in there! they had a huge clearance section and I bought a ton of spring tops and tee's. I also bought my pregnant sister some maternity stuff and my husband a few things..I spent less than a hundred and brought home 3 huge bags full of clothes. Before surgery I couldnt even get into their size 20 jeans and I was wearing their XXL tops. Today I simply got all XL tops and a couple Large and was able to fit into size 16 jeans!! I didn't buy any but I tried several on. The size 18's that I bought a few months ago are getting too big now and I have to wear a belt with them. I decided to wait a little longer to buy more jeans since I can techincally still wear the 18's. That did make me feel better but I am still upset when I don't do well and stray off the lapband path. I really want to lose another 20-30 lbs my summer and I can't afford a bad week if I want to hit that goal. Im definitly hitting the gym tomorrow and gonna go to the grocery store and get lots of healthy dinner and lunch food. I find that the more i eat out at work and not pack is when I stray the most and get the most tempted. I do have a funny picture this..Im in the mall and Iv got these 3 big shopping bags full of clothes...another store bag and my literally strugglin to hold it all as Im walking back to the door to the parking lot...I am wearing these flat ankle high boots with skinny jeans (yes, skinny jeans, whod a thunk?) and all the sudden my boot slips on the floor and i hit the ground...2 of my big bags bust and clothes go everywhere...there I am laying on the floor in the middle of the mall with clothes just everywhere around me!!!..LMAO...I could not even bare to look up..I quickly gathered the clothes up and stuffed them into the other bags, picked my butt off the floor and hauled ass to the door...I have never been so embarrassed in my life!! after I got out the mall I could breath again but than I thought...not one damn person even helped me or asked if I was ok or anything!! If I saw a woman do that I wouldnt of ran up and helped her gather her things at the very least! Needless to say my shopping trip was officially took that as a sign to stop while I was ahead. So hopefully next week I can say that I am back in the 240's again...I sure am gonna try my best!!

Saturday, January 15, 2011


Its been 5 days since my fill...I did my normal Saturday weigh in and to my surprise I weighed in at 248!! Im finally back in the 240's!! in my 20's the highest weight I would get to is 242 before I would start bustin butt and lose weight. The 240's is familiar ground to me..if that makes sense. I remember when I first got banded that getting back down to 240 felt like it was soooo far away but Im here now! I ALMOST feel like I can exhale now...I know I wrote this before but on the way up the scale from 245-300 over the past couple of years I never saw the 250's, 260's, or 270's its like i jumped from 245 to 280 overnight...even though it was 2 years. I was so engrossed in becoming a new mother, my son was so demanding, I was working full time and still trying to be there emotionally and mentally for my husband extended family that I didn't pay any attention to me and taking care of my needs or my body for that matter. I am hoping that 4 months from now Im saying the same thing about the 220's!! Its hard to believe that I actually could possibly get to 200lbs or less!! I have not seen 200lbs since I was 22 yrs old! and I havn't seen below 200 since maybe 9th grade! I never thought I would say this but I really missed you 240!!!!

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Another NSV!! Actually a couple...

I cannot recall for the life of me what NSV stands I know what it means and I had another one today....several month ago after I lost my 1st 20lb I went shopping with a girlfriend of mine to Lane Bryant just to use a coupon I had. I was looking in the clearance section and there was a pair of pants I loved but they were a size 14 (a big size 14) they were a casual somwhat stretchy waiste ( with a button) pants. really cute...its was the only pair they had and they were only like 5 bucks...I took them into the dressing room and I could get the up but not even close to buttoning...I had at least 4-6 inches maybe more...but I went ahead and bought them anyway cause I figured I would eventually get into them...well tonight, after the gym, I was diggin in my closet and find the pants still in the bag...I slipped them on and .......Im sure you know what is coming next...they fit..I could button them with no problem ...I dont think Im a size 14 yet, probably a 16 now since my size 18 pants are getting big but I was like WOW these freakers actually fit!! I had a really good workout at the gym too...sweated my butt off . The class room has mirrors all around side to side front to back you cant avoid seeing yourself..normally I just dont sometims I catch myself and think omg look at my sagging gut..will it ever be small??.but sometimes like tonight I look and really can see the change finally..I look slimmer not skinny but definitly slimmer. and I am so glad...when I first started I would catch myself in that mirror and get soooo disgusted! ok AND one more NSV (whatever it means) I change into my gym clothes at work before I head out to the gym...when I first started doing that I usually struggled to get my socks on, shoes on and all that jazz..and would have to it on the toilet and still struggle to get them I realized I can easily lift my foot up...still standing mind you...hold it up while I put my sock on, same with my shoes..I wasnt out of breath or was just so simple and I barly noticed. I dont know when I started doing that! I dont know if 50lbs is the magic number or what but its seems like it is just coming together...all the sudden people are noticing, Im noticing...and things are just starting to change! I cant imagine what will happen whenI lose 100lbs! As far as my fill you know I had it on Tuesday...I just really started eating solids today...I had a protein drink for breakfast because I had morning meetings and no time to eat....for lunch I eat 1 and half beef fajitas and was very full and had no problems with getting stuck and it went down easy than tonight my husband made grilled shrimp on top of a spinach looked so good...but I took a bite of a shrimp and it got stuck...wasnt a bad stuck but I knew I couldnt keep eating..I waited for about 5 minutes and it finally passed I tried to eat some more and I mean I literally have to cut it up very small and chew chew chew...if I take one slightly larger bite I feel like im getting stuck again...Im so hungry and just want to eat but for some reason the band is not liking this salad or this rate it would take me 2 hrs to eat this salad!! I really wanted to write about the success I was seeing so hopefully I helped someone today that read this!

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Will I ever get to the half cup??

I survived the 2 days of liquids (ok technically a day and half) and Im currently in the process of SLOWLY eating a boneless chicken breast and about a quarter cup of greenbeans....I managed to eat well over half of the chicken and all of my green beans. Im content, slightly full but not stuffed. I keep thinking I can still eat more than the 1/2 cup "rule". I guess I was expecting or hoping that I would be stuffed after a few bites of chicken. I have such high expectations now that Im getting up there in total CC's. I have 8 now in my 11cc band. Maybe I won't ever be that half of cup person with my band. Im sitting here thinking and trying to FEEL how full I am..did I eat past my my full spot? could I eat more ? I feel content, I could eat more but don't really want to. I probably eat a little over a cup of food. Ok Im beating a dead horse on this...long story of today I can eat more than the recommended half cup!! On a more positive tip, Iv been getting a ton of compliments at work, people are coming up to me asking how I am losing so much weight, asking what Im doing and telling me how good I am really does make me feel good but puts me in an unexpected awkward situation..I feel like Im lieing if I say working out and eating right...even though I am doing that...if someone happens to be with me that knows I had the surgery I feel very uncomfortable lieing in front of them when they know the I tell them I had the surgery?? but I dont want to make it sound like its all just the surgery..Im working my butt off with this..would I of been able to lose this much weight without the band? Probably not but if I shoot out I had lapband than I feel like Im doing myself an injustice but if I don't tell them I feel like Im lieing and perpetrating!! what a dilemma....I really dont know how to handle this..I never put too much thought in it before but now that Im getting several people asking me about it I gotta figure out how to handle it! I dont mind people knowing that I had the surgery..if I can help someone or inspire someone Im all for it...but Im not sure if I want EVERYONE that asks me to know....I kinda want to sometimes take ALL the credit...dont I deserve it? *sigh* I do enjoy the attention though...I still look in the mirror and see such a heavy person still so when outside people notice and say something I know that all that hard work is finally noticeable. Its what I need to keep going. I plan on measuring myself this weekend so I will make sure to post the inches lost too! Im slowly making my started my crest whitening strips last week and even though my bottom teeth kill me everynight aching and so senstive Im not stopping...I want the most pearly whites I can on my list is to get some more highlights in my hair another shopping trip in March and than I am going to start tanning in April. I love when I tan..but i know its so bad for the skin. I havnt tanned in a tanning bed since last spring and I try to give my skin a break but Fat looks so much better least that used to be my saying!...Im going to hold off as long as I can though and I am going to hit a dermatologist first for a complete skin check prior to starting... satisifed now all you anti-tanning people?? if I could just get down to that new goal of 210 by Aug. 1st I think I will be good to go!! than what?? I guess stare at myself all day in the mirror...LOL

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

4th fill today!

Hello out there!! Today was a good day..had my doctor's appointment for my 4th fill! I weighed in at 251lbs with my 1.5lb of clothes (yes I weighed them before I put them I took off my shoes & all my Jewlery as well...I learned that from my weight watcher days:). Since my last appointment and fill 6 weeks ago, I lost 8.5lbs for a total loss of 51lbs. The doctor said I was doing great and right on track. We talked about my stuck episodes in the past 6 weeks and how much Im still able to eat. I didnt mention the stuck episode I had an hour before my appointment where I decided to woof down a piece of turkey sausage and was in pain for 15 minutes...I am sill learninng this eat slow, small bite thing...not sure if I will ever get it! fortunatly, I didnt have to bring it back up and it made its way down..I actually felt it drop down through the band..very weird!! We decided to put in 1 more cc to put me at a total of 8 in my 11cc band. the fill was uneventful but he take longer than usual to find the center in order to add the liquid. My doctor said he wanted to see me at 210 by my 1 yr anniversary which is by Aug. 1st. I think I can do that..Id love to beat that but we will see. He also said I wouldnt have to come back for at least 3 months. Good for my bank account cause these visits cost me $250 plus the $50 I spent on protein drinks! He has me on liquids today and mushies tomorrow. I cant believe I did that for 2 weeks after I got surgery..I am so damn hungry right now...Iv eat soup, 2 protein shakes and 2 cups of mashed potatoes today and Im still starving! I cant wait to see what this fill will do ..I dont feel anything different as of right now but I guess I wont if Im just drinking and eating sliding mushies. I sure hope I have great resstriction and it lasts longer this time! I went to the gym tonight so still taking my classes...I even tackled the 3 inches of snow and slippery order to get there...was very proud of myself...even though there was only about 5 people in my class will keep you all posted on how this fill goes!

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Before & After..AFTER 50lbs down! 5mnths later

Dec 17th 2010 50lbs down face shot

This is me last month (December 17th) and about 5 months out. I am down first big goal obtained!

Pics-Before & After...below is before...

Oh good Lord! hard to look at to be honest...this is me the day before my surgery. I weighed in at 302lbs.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year everyone!! I cannot believe I have had the band for 5 months! I have not been back to the gym since vacation and really have not been doing a good job with my eating either during this time but somehow I managed to lose another 2lbs. Im down to 252.5...only .5lbs away from my first big goal of 50lbs lost!! Im back in the gym starting this week so I know I will be down my 50 by my Jan 11 th fill. The good thing is that at least the band has helped me maintain my weight even when I dont hit the gym or eat the best. before the band I would of been pigging out this time of year and gained 5-10 lbs in these 3 weeks!! something happened today and I did something I may not have done 5 mnth ago I wanted to share...I went to a New Years day breakfast with my husband and son this morning. when I walked into the restaurant right in front of me paying was an X boyfriend of mine. I dated this guy for a couple years right before I met my husband. He was such a good looking guy and when I met him I was in my 20's and had a pretty good build I weighed about 215-220 while I was with him. I havnt seen him since we broke up so its been like 6 yrs. anyway, before surgery I would of hauled ass the other way if I saw him cause I wouldnt want him or any of my ex's to see me at 280 plus pounds...but today, even though I had no makeup on and a jogging suit walked straight up to his attention, said hi and gave him a hug..I didnt even hesitate to do this. thats all it was...short & sweet but after it happened I was thinking about our relationship and how I was soooo into this guy but he really didnt offer me anything..nothing like my husband..and I thought why did I even stay with him for 4 yrs??? I honestly think that I had little self confidence in my 20's even though my body was much better..its really crzy what weight issues can impact on the things you do and how you feel. I think because he was so good looking that I just wanted to show that I could get this really hot guy and felt like I had to keep him. Ok, enough of Dr. was just sorda amazed how even though I didnt look my best physically that I didnt run & hide that shows me alot and how much losing 50lbs has done for me. Part of me is excited about starting a new Year especially since I am on this exciting weight loss journey but in a way Im a little depressed..sad the holidays are over, sad my vacation is over and that I really dont have anything to look forward to other than my weight loss. I am going to focus on getting to the gym and losing another 50lbs by summer!! I will make that my new goal and my new exciting "thing" to look forward too! Hope all of you had a great holiday and have a great new year!