Tuesday, November 30, 2010

4month bandiversary!! 3rd fill today!

Had my fill this morning..it went well. Had no problem finding my port. He put in 1cc. I have a total of 7 cc's now in my 11cc band. I told him that I was still hungry alot and could eat pretty good size portions but I guess he didn't want to over due it. He reminded me this is a process and its normal to take several fills to get to where I need to be. I told him about my hair loss and he reccomended Biotin and to make sure im taking my vitamins. I have to admit I havnt been taking vitamins because I thought Im getting enough food. I eat mushies today just some mashed potatoes but I was so hungry by this afternoon I ate a couple really small pieces of tuna. I went to the gym and worked out for 90 minutes. When I got home my husband had already cooked dinner for my son and him..chicken legs, and some pasta mixed with broccoli. I was so hungry so I picked off some meat from one of the legs and took really tiny bites and chewed it up than I ate a couple spoons of pasta with broccoli again taking little bites and chewing. everything went down ok. even though Im still hungry I stopped at that. I dont want to overdue it. he said I can eat regular foods tomorrow just to follow the band rules. I really hope I have better restriction. You would think if I had a little before and got another cc in that I would have some more but Iv learned not to get my hopes up:) Oh almost forgot the most important part!! I weighed in at 260 even..which was so much better than I thought I would be a few days ago after Thanksgiving vacation. They said I was down 8lbs from the last fill but I could of sworn when I weighed in 6 weeks ago I was 266 but I didn't fight what they said..lol. Im down a total of 42lbs so far. Today is my 4 month bandiversary too!!! They scheduled my next fill for Jan 11th. I really hope Im down at least 10 more lbs!!

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Feeling Better.....

I hit the gym this morning and took a body combat class and did some weights. Gonna focus on getting back in the swing of things today. I gained 3lbs since I weighed myself last Sunday to today..so less than I thought I gained but still 3lbs in a week to gain is alot..not surprised though considering how I eat and not exercising. Cannot wait till my fill on Tuesday..anxious to see how it will impact me....today I eat a bagel and it went down really hard and I had a hard time with it. not sure why all the sudden bread doesnt go down for me. Anyway wanted to let you all know that I am back in the grind and that I will let you know how my fill goes!!

Friday, November 26, 2010

I typed this whole message out and it wouldnt take for some reason and when I tried to "go back" it deleted! I poured my guts out:) well instead of typing everything again ...I will sum it up... Im in Georgia now visiting all my husbands family..been on the road since Wed morning..iv been eating like CRAP..this southern cooking & baking is NO JOKE!! his one aunt baked 23 cakes&pies alone...from scratch...WHO DOES THAT?..LOL...UGH..not to mention my hotel is right beside a Hooters which is my favorite wing place in the world big boobies dont keep me away and my husband doesnt have a problem with going with me either ( amazing huh?) how many of you can say your husband would suffer through hooters with you 2x in 3 days?..LOL. Im freaking because I have my fill on Tuesday and am scared I have gained back the 6lbs I worked so hard to lose in the past 6 weeks! I would hate to go in there and only show losing a pound or something crazy...Im just gonna fess up and tell them the truth about the week. I even made sure to book a hotel with an indoor pool and workout room, but do you think I used it ?? even once?? hell no I didn't so much as put my sports bra on...Iv decided im gonna starve myself for the next 3 days in order to get back to what I was before I left for this God forsaken southern state:) I know thats not a good thing to do but Im feeling desperate right now...I actually WANT to go back to the gym when I get back home....I cannot wait...I want to feel that way again that feeling when you just feel really good about yourself....Iv been having that when I do what I need to do and stick to the plan and I am finding the only way I do that is to stay on a schedule..any slight schedule change, party, traveling just throws me off...and when Im off I am REALLY OFF...I just remmeber the first time I went to a nutritionist the first few months while waiting for surgery..after talking to her all but 5 minutes she said I will tell you the type of dieter/eater you are..."you have yo yo dieted all of your adult life, you are either on a diet and when your on it you are on it to a tee..but when your off of it you are REALLY OFF.. no inbetween" and this has stuck with me cause even though its not rocket science its exactly how I am...if I go off I just say "f*ck it" and eat whatever I want for days...than Im back on and back on to a tee. Than she proceeded to tell me that will never work with the band. When I think back to that it scares me cause sometimes I feel myself slipping back into my old ways again and I dont want to.

Holiday food..nuff said

Sunday, November 21, 2010

full body pic--down 42lbs

Cake, Cake.....Cake ......

Oh boy, my son's 3rd bday was yesterday and we got him a huge Thomas the train cake and we have a ton of leftovers. I gave everyone some before they left the party but I still came home with about 15 slices....that cake is like CRACK!! I have been picking at it all friggin day!! It seems that its a constant roller coaster for me on this journey...through the week I normally do great, hit the gym 2-3 times watch what I eat and I did really good this week, well than comes the weekends and it takes so much more will power!! Only one event or party can throw me off the wagon. I need to learn how to deal with these events but can't seem to get it together yet. Unfortunatly I have very little will power if something is right in front of me, I didnt get to the gym yesterday because of the party and I didnt get there today because my husband got called into work and I had no one to watch my son. Not to mention, I got another friggin cold and feel like crap today..my whole family has got it including my son. I am off all this week and we are heading out of town for the holidays. I have my fill on the 30th and I am so scared Im gonna gain a bunch of weight this week before my fill. I am down about 6lbs from my last fill so I guess that is ok..but I could gain that all back in a week. I really need to set my mind to stay on track. Our hotel has a gym and an indoor pool so I keep telling myself I need to work out while Im there, especially if I dont control my eating. eating on the road is tough enough in itself!! oh yea and to add some salt to the wound my time of the month is coming too so the cake didn't have a chance this week. My husband is going to take the rest of the cake tomorrow to work. I told him not to come back with so much as a piece of frosting! I know I am not alone out there but it really feels like I am. Some days I am really happy that I got the band and other days I get disappointed with it and feel like I was expecting so much more. It definitly is only a tool and not easy in any way shape or form. I could see how people would easily fail at this. Especially if you are not one of the lucky people who get restriction early on. I will never regret getting it but like I said its like a roller coaster ride..one week your up high on cloud 9 and the next your thinking this friggin sucks!! lol....but I am down 42lbs and feel so much better on most days so I can't complain too much. Most of what I complain about are things that I brought on myself and can control myself, I just choose not to do it or just made a bad decision in the moment. I really feel like this is probably going to be the hardest part of this band and that in a few months when the flu season is over, I have had a couple more fills and Im still pumping away at the gym that I will be in such a better place:) it just will take some more time for me! Until than I am still doing day my day and trying not to be too hard on myself when I have a bad day.......Keep you all posted!! I will post a couple status pics!

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Shop till you drop!!

Went on a shopping spree today with my close friend...spent my fill $ for the next few months:) but I love to shop and it makes me really happy...even though tonight I am thinking I spent way too much money! I am officially a size 18 now! every pair of pants I bought today was an 18 and my shirt size is now 18 as well. I didn't eat very well at all today thought and Im feeling guilty. I ate a checker's cheeseburger and fries for lunch today:( what kills me is that I could eat all that! I was full afterwards but I had no problem getting that crappy food down. It was just convenient and fast while we were out but the whole time Im stuffing my face, Im thinking why am I eating this and man, i need to get my ass to the gym tomorrow!...UGH!! I frustrate myself so much with the choices I make! I definitly need a fill...I was debating on calling and trying to get in earlier but decided just to wait till the 30th. I am going out of town for Thanksgiving to visit the inlaws and dont want to be 5 states away just in case I wouldnt feel well from the fill. It only takes a day to eat bad and not exercise to hurt my weight loss effort. Even though Im down 40lbs I need to be at least down 50 by the first of the year! I am really hoping the next fill helps me out..please, please , please!!!

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Good Bye 260's!!

I am so happy...I finally got out of the 260's! I weighed myself and I am 259 lbs!! to reward myself I did a little shopping today...bought 3 pairs of jeans, size 18!! woot woot!! I did a body pump challenge Saturday morning and I sweat like crazy..I think I sweated out of the 260's. Anyway, I can finally see the weight loss in my clothes, in my face and in the mirror. Im not close to where I want to be but I finally feel like Im gettin somewhere. I am having more people notice as well. I have so much to lose total, 120lbs, that 40lbs seems like a drop in the bucket but if you really think about it 40lbs??? that is 8 bags of flour!! 41lbs is the most I have ever lost dieting in the past 15 years so I am about to exceed that and that is a pretty big goal to me. it took 40lbs to finally feel like Im accomplishing something. Its actually a little scary..cause Im scared of failing and Im scared of success, Im scared that If I do lose 100lbs..will I be able to keep it off? Will I eventually gain it all back like Iv always done when I dieted in the past? Will something happen to the band eventually? I dont have the money to do this all over again! What about if I do lose this weight? will I be a different person? how will I look? Its enough to stress you out...lol..Im not one to take compliments very well and I feel a little "concieted" if someone tells me how good I look and I just say thanks. I feel like I always have to down the compliment...I don't know if that makes sense or not but compliments just make me feel uncomfortable sometimes. Anyway, today is a good day..I just wish I had a little more restriction to help me out! but for now Im happy.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Checking In:)

Hey everyone! Just wanted to check in....I had a pretty good week...lost 2lbs this week. I am down to 263.5. I have been working my butt off at the gym (except for tonight) and been being careful with my eating this week..packing my lunch and eating healthy and smaller portions..I find if I am ANAL with all this I lose but its so hard to keep this up all the time every week. I do feel better about myself...my face is getting smaller and I took some pics of myself this morning. Can you see? lol...I need to take more full body shots but I am just not thrilled about that yet:). I am feeling a little under the weather,sore throat for a week and been feeling blah this morning..heading to the doctor in the morning just to make sure I dont have strep throat. I am bummed I missed the gym tonight but didn't want to over do it if Im getting sick. I have been debating calling my doctor to see if I can get in a couple weeks earlier for my fill. Some days I feel like I have some restriction and other days I dont. Its really inconsistent and drives me crazy!! I still havnt been doing good with measuring like I should but trying. Iv been so hungry in the evenings and eating most of my food at dinner. I usually have a meat for breakfast than a salad and meat for lunch than dinner. I still have been taking my phentermines here and there and they do help curve my appetite and get me through the day but I really don't want to take them, I want the band to work like it is suppose to!! I know its working some but not to its capacity! I hate playing this waiting game but hopefully it will go fast and I will have good restriction soon. Iv lost a few more inches too. I measured myself last weekend. I bought a pair of jeans at JC Pennys a few weeks ago and wore them for the 2nd time today and they were falling off me!! I want to shop but if I dont want to spend money just to not have the clothes fit in a few weeks! Next goal is to hit the 250's! Im taking it 10 lbs at a time .....but it seems to take months to get through each goal...I really want to be in the 230's! 5 more lbs and I have passed the most weight I have ever lost!! That really is an accomplishment for me...hoping it happens sooner than I think!!