Saturday, September 18, 2010
Im feeling very frustrated with myself right now....I havnt been doing that great this week..have had a HUGE appetite all week and been super stressed out between work and my son having pneumonia....so I havnt been walking like I was, havnt been drinking as much water and eating alot more than I should..Im not really eating bad, unless you count the mexican lunch I had on Wednesday....but I feel like I can eat so much more than I am suppose to..and I actually feel hungry with stomach growling most of time...I got on the scale yesterday morning and I already knew I had probably gained but when it had me back at 274 I was so upset with myself. This is so much harder than I expected and I am really feeling a little depressed about it. I am really frustrated how long the process takes of getting restriction too...I am thinking about calling my doctor and seeing if I can get in any earlier..probably not but worth a shot. I still dont trust myself...I know how I am with food...if I am hungry I eat and at times I dont feel like I have control than after I eat I get angry with myself. I dont keep bad food in the house which helps but every bite counts of whatever it is and can keep me from losing. There is no way I can do the half a cup of food 3x a day...i feel like i barly eat anything..I actually got chinese food last night and purposely didnt chew as much to see if Id feel anything and I didnt. I wish I could see what my stomach and band looked like I envision I have alot of room still in the band. I started doing really good with getting myself into the habit of chewing and eating slow and I feel like I am moving away from that again because I feel so "normal"...I dont know how to handle this for another 5 weeks, im scared of gaining more weight back and having to start all over again. I know what I HAVE to do but its just do damn hard. Today I am going with my best friend to get a massage and facial....I am hoping that relaxes me. I feel so good that i have lost almost 30 lbs and I feel better in my clothes and I am getting compliments but its not enough to keep me pushing ahead without the help of the band. I feel like people I havnt seen in a few weeks are thinking I should be losing more or look thinner...*sigh* I think I should post on the board on lapband talk and get some encouragement.