Today my body was taken over and held hostage by a force..a force that I have NO power to fight... a force that I cannot stand up to and has 5x my strength...MY PERIOD!!! She forced me to eat a full plate of chinese food at lunch .....than forced me to eat a piece of marble chocolate cake (dammit Traci why did you have to have a baby?) now she is telling me to go home and lay down on the couch..."go ahead skip the gym, one day won't kill you". Iv been fighting her all day and Im losing the battle...BIG TIME!! Ever since I stopped the pill before surgery my PMS has been crazy...I am not a chocoloate or sweet eater and don't have a problem passing up cake, however, at that time of the month I normally crave chocolate but this? this right here? its beyond craving its like a need...I couldnt pass that damn piece of cake up..I just gravitated toward it...I have been thinking about a Hershey Chocoloate bar with almonds for 2 days straight now! I sware Im going insane. I had SUCH a good week last week...worked out 4x, eat really well and I actually was just bragging over the weekend that I really felt like I had some restriction with this last fill. but today I can eat like normal! I can't figure it out...I am literally starving today...I went to the chinese buffet and filled my plate up and eat almost the whole thing..Its like I didn't care what happened to me I was eating that food...I didnt even fill really full after wards..I did make myself stop and not get anymore but I still eat way more than i should have...than came back to work and there was a piece of cake on my desk and normally when that happens ( yes it does happen often..we have a cake fairy flying round my office) I just take it and give it to the guy behind me...not today...I sware I dont even remember eating it!! I remember walking in seeing it than next thing I know I was throwing the empty plate away. I am so disappointed in myself ..It just takes one bad day and some PMS thrown in the mix to make you feel like you don't have it in you battle this long journey..one day Im on cloud 9 and so positive and the next I want to go home and curl up underneath the blankets and surrender. I am thinking some of you are saying " oh yea blame PMS you didnt have to eat all that food, you should of controlled yourself" and your right I should have..I am really pissed off that I am feeling this way today. I know tomorrow is a new day and I plan on getting back on track ..I have not doubt I will...but today, cant I just wallow a little in my misery??cant I just succomb to the the way i feel and go home, not workout and eat what I want?? You dont realize how much you are going to have to work at this and how hard it is and how weary you will get on some days....some days you just want to use your Get out of jail free card. Today is one of those days.
....OMG.....just got an email at work..here is what it says..."In honor of our front line team members who service our customers every day, tomorrow there will be donuts in the morning and and cookie trays in the afternoon" . They are beating me when I am down!! Im calling in sick tomorrow! I am officially waiving the white flag...I feel like the guy looks on my pic. I am sure glad I have this blog to vent on!!