Feeling Good!!

I have been feeling pretty good. Getting used to the hunger feeling. I have been a bad girl and moved myself up to some mushies the past couple of days like mashed potatoes, refried beans and today I had some mashed cauliflower from my work cafeteria. It was pretty good and went down ok..other than that though been sticking with soup and protein shakes. I can start mushies in just 2 more days. I am finding it hard to start walking by the time i get home from work I am soo flippin tired and weak, i make myself walk our dog up to the park and my husband throws the ball to him but that is about as far as I can push myself, its about 2 blocks. I am going to start walking around my work building tomorrow and bringing my sneakers. I gotta get some more walking in!!! The scale hasn't moved all weak and even though I know I am being hard on myself considering I still lost 18lbs in 2 weeks but it is still scary..I am barly eating anything guess it all hits at once than levels out. I just cant wait to get back down to like 240 or 230 again it feels like it could take forever though but I think once I get there I will be ok with losing it more slowly. I am going to measure myself tonight because I forgot to do that before I got surgery. Maybe I am losing some inches:) I do feel like I am on a very strict diet but I guess I really am...I went into my bosses office today and she was muching on some cheese nips and I wanted some so bad, I kept thinking will I ever be able to sit at my desk and just much again? I guess probably not unless its something really healthy and Im really hungry. So things like that kinda scare me a little but than I think again how life changing this really is and how I owe it to myself to commit to this. Oh yea on another note!! I get the hospital bill yesterday and they said I still owe them $926!! That was one of my biggest fears that I would get some extra bill for socks or whatever after I paid all that money already, after freaking out all evening last night and getting myself all worked up they called this morning and said not to worry about it that they would work it out and I dont owe anything. You bet I saved that message!! I need to start posting some pics on here and I will...as I lose weight I need to keep track of the way I look!

3 more days of Full liquids!!!

Been feeling really good the past couple of days, I have lost a total of 18lbs since my surgery on July 30th. The weight losing is now slowing down but I figured it would considering I am eating more soups and food now. I have been so tired of soup and liquids so yesterday I stopped at Roy rogers and got some mashed potatoes and gravy, added some fat free milk and put it in my magic bullet to make a little more liquidy and they were so good! I am trying to stick with my full liquids though as much as I can and not go off the "list" but its really hard when you are starving. Oddly enough I am getting used to the hunger feeling..which is really weird ...but after almost 2 weeks it just becomes part of your everyday feelings. I have to admit it was really exciting losing so much weight so fast and I wanted it to keep going and its a little disappointing knowing it is slowing down. DAMN MASHED POTATOES!! :) I have tried to walk but need to start walking more. The doctor said I can start walking alot more 2 weeks after surgery and i definitly feel like I can but its so dang hot out here and I am still so tired and weak after work that I cant make myself do anything. So going to try to start walking more and get moving!! Work has been good for me, I dont sit around thinking about food all the time. I have been drinking protein shakes for breakfast, than some soup for lunch and usually some more soup in the afternoon along with my vitamins. I started taking the flintstone chewables in place of my chalky bariatric ones that I ordered online. Just for a while Im switching because those chalky ones make me a little nausueus after i take them. When I get home at night I am trying to eat no later than 730-8pm so I have some more soup and than the rest of the night drink water or crystal light. I get most hungry in the early afternoon than like around 6pm. I tried a Kellogs Protein shake this morning and that is felling like its sticking more to me and I feel more "full". I am trying to teach myself what full feels like. I am not sure if I still have "restriction" now or not. I dont allow my self to eat more than a cup of soup in one sitting. I feel like I could eat ALOT more. I wonder if I keep eating if I would get fuller faster than if I didnt have the band?? I guess I better not test my band. It scares me a little that I still have 5 weeks until my 1st fill but the good thing is that I can have mushies starting Saturday! Only 3 more days of full Liquids!! I have to do mushies for 14 days. I can have fish and pototoes and some other soft stuff. So im excited about that. I have a confession though, last night I was so hungry I took a couple really small pieces of turky lunch meat and chewed it really good and swallowed it..it went down fine and didnt have any problems but I didnt do anymore than that. I just kept circleing my kitchen like a hawk looking for something other than soup. I finally tore myself away and went upstairs. Your mind thinks of crazy things when your really hungry. My big incision finally stopped leaking today, at least for now. My husband is being really supportive and he told me yesterday to write down some ideas of gifts. He wants to get me some things or take me some place for each goal I meet. My first goal is 50lbs, 2nd is 75lbs 3rd is when I get below 200lbs or to goal which is 175-180lbs. I wrote down all kinds of stuff from a day of beauty (nails, hair, etc) to a weekend geteway. I am already almost halfway to my 1st goal I hope I reach that quickly but I hear so many different stories about losing and the fills so I am not sure what to expect but Im still gonna take it day by day!!

HUNGRY......

I knew it was coming that creature...the monster I was scared of.....HUNGER! As soon as that doctor took those 2cc's out of me 2 days ago, I knew it would happen. I was hungry a little earlier in the week but didn't feel like I could physically eat so it was bearable, but WOW today the game is truly on!!! I have been starving all day..I never knew what hunger pains felt like before...really true hunger pains. Its a little eye opening and believe it or not I am finding a new respect for food. I was thinking today that part of this process of and steps of drinking/eating must also be there for psychological reasons. I think it mentally prepares you. Prepares you to be able to deal with a little hunger if it creeps up on you in your life and helps you to appreciate food for what it really is..to keep you sustained, healthy and alive not to gorge yourself anytime anywhere you want. Today I could definitely of ate more than I allowed myself. I got in most of my fluids today about 40oz but still struggled with my protein. I woke up and made a strawberry protein drink stomach was growling like crazy. I made my son waffles and wanted a bite so bad. Than on the way out the door to run some errands I warmed up some broth from wonton soup I ordered last night (while my husband chowed on general tso chicken..:( ) and than sipped water while out. While we were out my husband ran through Wendy's to get himself a sandwich and my son something. I decided to get some chili and try to see if I could emulsified it enough to make liquid. I kept reading people doing that online so I figured it might work and make me feel more full. While my husband& son chomped on fries and chicken sandwiches I was about to cry I was so hungry. I put down the window so it would take some of the smell away and wouldnt even look at the food. I wanted something so bad. I was thinking that I have not ate in a full week and all Iv had was water, crystal light, protein shakes and broth. My body wanted food!! I started to get irritable and snapped at my husband the rest of the way home. Once I got home we tried to the chili. added alot of water to it and a scoop of plain protein and grounded it with my magic bullet until it was completely broken down to liquid. I ate it very slow and only had about a half a cup. It went down very well and I had no problems. A few hours later I tried another half a cup and as of now no issues. That did make me feel a little more sustained that regular broth but until I am allowed it I figured I didnt want to make the habit. So the rest of the night I am sipping on crystal light and when I get really starving again have some broth. I am down 17lbs in just one week so I am going to keep trying my best to fight through the hunger and keep on track with the list the dr. gave me. It is really hard, harder than I expected but no matter how much research you do or how much you talk to the doctor you never get the true experience until you live it. I have been taking my multi vitamin that I got from the bariatric store online. I still need to push more protein. We went to my sister and her husbands house tonight and had dinner.. I had my chili and everyone else ate grilled bratwurst and fries...I wanted to eat so bad but as I was sitting there sipping on some water I couldn't help but think that so many activities with family and friends are around food...its like all the time!! I vowed to stay away these gatherings for a couple weeks until at least I could eat mushy foods because being around food right now is way too hard. I really feel this is my toughest time even more tough than all the pain I had last week. so if I can make it through this I really feel like I got this! its very empowering. I think about all the people in the world who are starving everyday and I figure I can at least make it through a few weeks...

DR. VISIT SURPRISES!!!

So last night was awful..I drank about 10 sips of water and got the worse freakin cramping!!! Im like that is it...im calling the doctor..something does not feel right. So they got me in this morning. I explained to the doctor about the cramping I was getting after just a few sips of something and the indigestion and the gas pains, ect, ect. he said that I looked good and that even though I wasn't "normal" persay I wasnt abnormal either and that some people have more swelling then others and that I just need to keep sipping and take longer in between sips. He didnt seem too concerned I wasnt getting enough liquids or protein but told me I needed to try to get more in. Ready for the 2 surprises??? #1. I lost 16lbs in a week!! WTF??? I knew I had lost some since I couldnt barly take in water but 16lbs? and that since my very first visit in March I have lost 25lbs! I didnt have to do any pre-op diet or anything but still was nice to know I had lost 25llbs so far this year. I am so glad I lost 16lbs because all the discomfort I was I would have been pissed if I didnt. Second surprise??? well I was talking to the doctor and explaining all my pains he said well let me see if I can draw out anything from your band..im like what do you mean? I thought there was nothing in there? he said that sometimes when they test the band and fill it up before surgery some fluid is left in there but normally its only like .05cc's and doesnt cause any problems but he wanted just to see. I was a little nervous but figured Id do anything to feel better. Lo and behold he drew out 2cc's!!!! they do that much during fills! so added with all the swelling and discomfort I already had a friggin fill! he said it should help me a little. I came right home and havnt ate or drank anything yet but I am still having some cramping. I am anxious to see if today is better for me now that 2cc's are out. I do feel so much better after talking to the doctor and knowing that nothing is wrong with me and that I am just experiencing more discomfort than most people a week out. One thing I wanted to add is that the first thing I have noticed after being banded physically is that my feet and ankles look so much smaller...I started swelling some a few months back and retaining water and I look at my ankles and feet now and not an ounce of extra water..my ankles are back! I know this is all about water but my rings are also bigger and move around on my fingers. So just wanted to share the very first things I noticed. I did take off work the rest of the week and decided to keep focusing on me and healing. I am really starting to get hungry now and glad I only have 1 more week of full liquids.

Day 5- feeling better unless I drink or eat :)

I woke up this morning feeling better and I made a protein shake but ended up only taking a sip or two and switched to water. I was scared to eat or drink anything because I didnt want to start the pain. I did try a couple bites of yogurt and within seconds the sharp pain and that uncomfortable feeling started. Its so frustrating that nothing seems to agree with me when I eat or drink. even water bothers me. Im glad I go to the doctors on Friday. Im going to stick it out until then and if Im better great but if not at least i can talk to him about it and try to figure out whats going on. I dont think Im going to go back to work this week, going to take the week off and rest and take care of myself. I am hungry today though, stomach growling and wanting food but obviously cannot eat. I am tired of seeing all of these Popey's and KFC commercials!! I am so angry with myself for not being able to lose and keep my weight off myself so that I didnt have to do this. I hate that I had to resort to this but I still feel this was the answer its hard to keep thinking that when you have been in pain and have not eat for 5 days. I think Im gonna try to walk some more today and see if that helps me. Everyone is like walk, walk, walk but when I do it makes me feel worse so far. Day by day thats what I keep telling myself.

Day 4 Post Op

Feel rough in the mornings for some reason...alot of movement in my stomach and gas pains..once I get up and get moving its better but I also notice its harder for me to get anything in my stomach in the mornings too. Even if I sip. Im drinking a protein shake now and it doesnt go down easy..gives me like a tight feeling and gasey feeling. I felt pretty bad yesterday evening as well. got dizzy on and off and was really tired. I thinnk its because Im not getting enough liquids and protein..Im averaging about 25 grams of protein and 25 oz of liquids when they both should be double that. I try but its really hard to get it in. I really think I have alot of swelling that just causes the discomfort after I drink. I did make myself take a "protein shot" last night about 1oz that has 15grms of protein. I did feel better after taking that so I need to just force myself to take it.. it tastes like thick cherry syrup but its not good at all, I have to hold my nose to even do it if I could just take it and drink it all in one shot I would but I have to takes sips and do it slowly which really sucks! I do feel better all over though, Its easier to shower and bath myself, my husband went out and bought a new shower head that is removable and that really helps me. its easier to get up from a sitting position too. So I am healing. One of my bandages on the wound under my left breast came off last night..its very small it almost looks like a big pimple on my stomach. My incisions really dont hurt that much and I am not even sure where my port it! I am very bloated still like I feel pregnant but I thikn most of my pain is gas and the band swelling. Im glad that I have my dr. appt Friday so if this isnt better I can talk to him about it and see if its all still normal. Im off work still today and tomorrow. I still have my family watching my son through the day which really is helping with my healing. Its alot to take care of a 2yr old after surgery. I give props to all the single moms who had to do this on their own and didnt have the help and support. I just really want to feel "normal" again and the all the gas & pain to go away. Hopefully I will feel that way in a few days. At least now Im getting used to the feelings & pains and can breath and work my way through them pretty easy.

Day #3 Post OP

Day #3..starting to feel a little better...been having gas, pressure and pains in my chest and shoulders. I get this really annoying pain in my chest around my chest bone that comes and go's in waves especially in the morning and after I drink. I wrote a post on lapband talk and there are several people who had surgery same day as me and are having the same problems. Its comforting to know that Im not alone. My mom came and got my son today so I could rest, I still dont feel up to taking care of him alone yet. I am off work until Thursday but I may go ahead and take off the rest of the week or work from home. I have my 1 week follow up with the doctor Friday morning. I am having a hard time getting my liquids and protein in. I am suppose to have at least 30 oz of liquids a day and 60grms of protein but Im lucky if I get in 20 of each. Its really hard to just keep drinking and you have to drink so slow and at room temp . Im starting to get a little hungry today but just dont feel like eating..its weird. Its like even if I could eat I wouldnt because its just uncomfortable I still feel like I got a ball in my chest and stomach but it is getting smaller. I havnt even touched the scale and I dont plan on it until my 1 week checkup. I think for one I dont want to see that I havnt lost anything and think all this pain for nothing but more so I just dont want to focus on that. I want to focus on getting better and healing and learning how I can eat and drink. Its gonna be alot of work, but I think Im gonna do really well. I was a little nervous that if I was going to be able to do this and I know its only a few days out but I think once I put my mind to something I can make it work!