My Vacation Journal.....

Ok, so as you know I went on vacation a couple weeks ago and during vacation I wrote in my journal talking about how I felt.....I wanted to share it and also keep it myself so I could look back on this and remind myself why I decided to do this surgery to begin with......the below is directly from my personal journal during vacation..next year WONT be the same!!

Im on vacation in NC at OBX. I definitly have felt the impact of the extra weight on this trip. It was very hard for me to handle the heat and the beach this year. We had to walk about 300 ft to the beach every day ad I didnt have the energy to do that easy. I am so out of shape! not to mention I even got winded one evening walking to the beach and I felt like I couldnt catch my breath. it was very weird and somethign I have not experienced before. It really made me think about how unhealthy I am. I had very little energy on this trip. I didnt want to even walk to the beach and would end up staying poolside alot more because it was just easier and required less energy. I had a hard time getting in and out the beach chairs and pool chairs. I knew exactly what I looked like while getting up because Iv seen it so many other times with overweight people. I felt so heavy! everything just seemed much harder and I felt like this really creeped up on me over the past year. The first day I felt insecure cause I know I really looked like I gained weight and was nervous about even my family seeing me in my bathing suit. I did read my weightloss surgery books I bought on Amazon and just kept educating my self and reminding myself what I need to drink and how much protein I need to get in. My mom and sister would walk and bike everyday and I just didnt have the energy to keep up with them and do what they did everyday. I want exercise to be a part of my everyday life and not feel like a chore! Im still very nervous about the surgery and hope Im making the right decision for myself. Deep down I know its the right choice. I will be so happy to be able to keep active and feel better and be there for my son and not be 300lbs carrying my next child! Im trying to keep positive though and I am trying to mentally prepare myself for this journey. I know it wont be easy but I really think I can do this!!